Relationships differ from one to another and this applies regardless of how you define it or what sort of relationship you are talking about – friendship, relationship with family, romantic relationships…etc. But of course you already knew that, because everyone is a little different. However, I believe that all relationships share at least one thing, and that is that relationships between human beings are fundamentally fragile. I do not think that there is anyone in this world who cannot live without anyone else. People come and people go. With time we all eventually come to terms with the fact that no matter how wonderful, unbelievable, bittersweet and breathtaking your relationship may be at that precise moment, it can all change in the next.
This is especially with romantic relationships. At the time it may seem heart wrenching – you curse, resent and are greatly depressed as to why that person to whom you opened up, trusted, depended on and loved so much had to betray you and all your efforts and feelings…but at the end of the day, feelings may not actually amount to much. I don’t enjoy thinking about feelings, emotions, the human psyche or even life is a reductionist manner, but experiences in life always push me back towards this view: that after all they are but chemical signals sent from our brain to the rest of our body, and vice versa. People can say a lot of things about how you make them feel, how important you may be, the changes you have induced in them and their surrounding world, or even compare the things they share with you that is not shared or felt with other people. They can also show you their most vulnerable side and reach out to you when they are broken, feel little and helpless, but this means nothing more than the fact that they needed and wanted someone to depend on, or perhaps something to keep them going, to keep them sane in this weird and crazy world.
Humans are all addicts in my opinion, it just depends on the propensity of addiction, the substance/object or concept to which you are addicted to and how willing you are to show that to others. For me, I think I am addicted to intimate human contact. I am a naturally affectionate person and I give my all to people whom I care about and want to make happy. However, this can be a bit much for people, and understandably so. A lot of people say they are not addicts, and they are not addicted to anything, they may even proceed towards a rant of how people define addiction these days, human wants, desires…etc. but one of the best examples today is technology – so many people, including myself, have their phones, tablets or laptops with them 24/7. They need technology, they need the internet, they need social media. How I think social media has warped the 21st century will be reserved for another future post but for now I just want to express that we are all addicts and actors of our desires, or very often, victims.
I think there is a fundamental difference between the want and need to have somebody there and the want and need to have a specific individual there. In the former, who this individual is does not matter, it is the fact that there is someone with which you can share your deepest desires, secrets, feelings and vulnerabilities to that is central. In the latter, it is because that individual is who they are that you feel comfortable enough, compelled, and happy to do so.
Anyway I’ve rambled on long enough for this post. Until I post again, adieu!